-The Awakening-
A time comes in your life when you finally get it …
When in the midst of all your fears & insanity you stop dead in your tracks & somewhere the voice inside your head cries out – enough! Enough fighting & crying or struggling to hold on.
And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears & through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening.
You realise that it’s time to stop hoping & waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety & security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming & you are not Cinderella, or vice versa, & that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) & that any guarantee of ‘happily ever after’ must begin with you, & in the process … a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect, & that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are … & that’s okay. They are entitled to their own views & opinions.
And you learn the importance of loving & championing yourself, & in the process … a sense of newly found confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop bitching & blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn’t do for you) & you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say, & that not everyone will always be there for you, & that it’s not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own & to take care of yourself & in the process … a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging & pointing fingers, & you begin to accept people as they are, & to overlook their shortcomings & human frailties &, in the process … a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.
You realise that much of the way you view yourself, & the world around, is a result of all the messages & opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you have been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you shouldn’t weigh, what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how & where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having & raising children, or what you owe your parents. You learn to open up to new worlds & different points of view.
And you begin reassessing & redefining who you are & what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting & needing, & you begin to discard the doctrines & values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with, & in the process … you learn to go with your instincts.
You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power & glory in creating & contributing, & you stop maneuvering through life merely as a ‘consumer’ looking for your next fix. You learn the principles of honesty & integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not your job to save the world, & that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt & responsibility, & the importance of setting boundaries & learning to say no. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one that you choose to carry, & that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love. Romantic love & familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, & when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more loveable, or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are & not as you would have them be.
You stop trying to control people, situations & outcomes. You learn that as people grow & change, so it is with love … & you learn that you don’t have the right to demand love on your terms … just to make you happy. And you learn that alone does not mean lonely …
And you look in the mirror & come to terms that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 & you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head & agonising over how you ‘stack up’.
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over, & ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly okay … & that it is your right to want things & to ask for things that you want … & that sometimes it is necessary to make demands. You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity & respect, & you will not settle for less.
And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his or her touch … & in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect. And you realise that your body really is your temple.
You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit & can create doubt & fear, so you take more time to rest. And just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul, so you take more time to laugh & to play.
You learn that, for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve … & that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, & that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success, you need direction, discipline & perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone & that it’s okay to risk asking for help.
You learn that the only thing that you must truly fear is the greatest robber baron of all time – fear itself. You learn to step right into & through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it & to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. And you learn to fight for your life & not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve, & that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalise things. You learn that God is not punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It’s just life happening.
And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state – the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, & resentment must be understood & redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of you & poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong & to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful & to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about – a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself … by yourself, & you try to make yourself a promise – to never betray yourself & to never settle for less than your heart’s desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, & to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, & you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.
-Sonny Carroll-
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